Many Negotiations Are About Money
Both everyday negotiations and high stakes negotiations are often about money. While some negotiations about money are stress-free, you may find that other money negotiations are unnerving. And remember that what is easy for you is difficult for someone else.
Often it is not even the amount of money involved: it’s the emotional triggers about money itself that makes a situation easy or difficult.
For example, you might hate returning clothing you purchased to a store, while you feel perfectly upbeat about applying for a loan.
Back to Basics
Let’s go back to basics for a minute. Remember your Negotiation Toolbox? It has three compartments: S: skills which I have written extensively about in this blog. K: knowledge that I have mastered so you can spend your time increasing your expertise in your calling. And A: attitudes.
When you open the third compartment of your toolbox, the one where you store your attitudes, what do you find? way at the bottom of that compartment are your attitudes about money.
Disempowering Money Attitudes
- You can’t effectively negotiate about money if you distrust money.
- You can’t easily resolve conflicts about money if you have a love/hate relationship with money.
- And you can’t ask for the things that signify your worth if your attitude about money is not aligned with your needs, wants and intentions.
If you are reading my blog, you are clear that I want you to have great negotiation skills. You can learn how to stand up and say no early, effectively and compassionately. You can learn to establish and maintain boundaries with coworkers, team members, contractors and family. You can be a great listener and help others get what they need and give you what you want.
But if you and money don’t have a mutually respectful relationship, your skills alone won’t seal the deal. You’ll back off, you’ll hesitate, and you’ll make excuses for not pursuing what’s important to you.
Your attitudes influence your behavior. You’ll have to do some digging in your old rusty toolbox to find the attitudes that are holding you back, negating your dreams, and leaving you confused about why you are not having more success (whether it’s success in business, in losing weight, in finding love…it’s all related.)
You learned your basic attitudes about money when you were very young. If your goals, behaviors and attitudes are in alignment, no problem. However, when you find yourself sabotaging your own ambitions and aspirations, it’s an opportunity to look inside your rusty toolbox and see if it is time to find a new one!
Some Questions To Consider
Have you ever wondered why some situations involving money are more difficult to navigate than other situations? How often are any of the following difficult for you?
- Negotiating the price of a new car.
- Asking for a discount at a store.
- Negotiating with a vendor.
- Asking someone who owes you money to pay you.
- Charging less because you’re afraid you won’t get clients otherwise.
- Allowing someone to not honor details of a contract.
- Lending money to someone who is unlikely to pay you back.
ACTION STEPS:
Go the list above and answer the question asked, how often are any of the following difficult for you?
Identify one money attitude that is holding you back from taking that difficult action.
“Our attitudes control our lives. Attitudes are a secret power working twenty-four hours a day, for good or bad. It is of paramount importance that we know how to harness and control this great force.” – Irving Berlin
Hi Marsha! I’m stopping by from UBC.
Fabulous article on how our attitude shapes how we think of money. I have a friend who often says, “how we do money is how we do everything.”
I would love to connect with you as I believe you would be a valuable resource for my tribe – women in the stepmom role. Many of whom have issues around a very particular money issue – Child Support.
My advice to them has always been “a problem isn’t a problem if you can write a check: It’s an expense.” (Which is exactly what CS is)
Please let me know if you have any interest in being a guest on my “Be Your Best Self” tele-seminar series.
Your money advice may be exactly what many women in the stepmom role need to hear.
Thanks,
Peggy
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Peggy Nolan
http://thestepmomstoolbox.com
peggy@thestepmomstoolbox.com
Hey Peggy I would love to be of help to stepmoms (I’ve been in that role myself!). We can have on off-line conversation via email: marsha@womennegotiate.com or I will find you on UBC. Thanks so much for commenting.
YES! thanks, Marsha
I’m so glad to hear from you. I’m going to do a local workshop all about our money attitudes…you will love it. Thanks for writing!
Skill in negotiating about money is crucial in a divorce. How well you do it can have a huge impact on life after marriage. Your advice is wonderful and is generously given.
Call me Chump with a capital C. A friend was let go from his job 2 years ago and was having trouble paying rent, so I loaned him $500 (nothing on paper, no interest – and I was ok with that).
He moved to California in hopes of better luck. He finally found a job and I gave him time to get settled before asking to pay me back. Well, once again he was let go. Not good.
So I had dinner with him last week in NY where he’s back here now trying to get a job. I had hoped to establish a payment plan of maybe $50/month. No such luck, he’s broke. He asked me to buy dinner which like a Chump I did (including his 2 martinis for $24).
I could see not having work and struggling, but he cluelessly shared with me left and right at dinner all manner of (to me) outlandish money outlays which appalled me to no end given his “broke” status and inability to pay me back. And also given I am so very frugal.
My dad always said “never loan a man money that you expect to get back.” If I’m going to loan someone money I should be willing to lose it all, not to mention in no way be passing judgement on how the unemployed friend should be spending/going into debt in whatever may he chooses.
So now I’m wondering whether to just write it off, if I ever get my money back I’ll be lucky. He’s loser energy and staying attuned to him mostly so I can get my money back is just a form of throwing good money/energy after bad.
Or hang in there and the minute he gets a job, try to get him to do a $50/month payment process?
Hi Cathleen…thanks for sharing your experience. I agree with your Dad. If you loan money, especially when there is no repayment plan, do it out of love or caring, and let go of the expectation you will get it back. If repayment is important then please have paperwork in place before handing over the money that outlines the repayment plan. In the situation you describe, what comes to mind is that you can’t get water from a stone. It does sound like he’s not going to repay you anytime soon. It’s a live and learn world, and you just got a $500 lesson! Sorry you had to go through this.
Thanks for your advice. I guess I have to just let it go and wait until he gets a job before I implement more assertive tactics on getting my money back (like a payment plan).