The Three Starring Characters in the Drama of Conflict
How do normally intelligent and articulate people so easily fall into such unproductive communication patterns that end up in conflict? What allows us to get so entrenched in having to be right when we hold different views than others? What can we do when we realize that our emotions are controlling the way we behave with someone we disagree with?
In conflict, everyone has their side of the story. This story includes the same types of characters we find in any play, novel or fairytale.
These characters are:
- The helpless victim
- The righteous hero
- The controlling villain
When you feel attacked by someone else, you immediately take on the role of the victim: completely innocent and wronged by the other person.
Maybe you stay stuck in the victim role or maybe you shift to playing the hero.
When you take on the role of the hero, you stand up to your accuser. Now, you passionately defend yourself.
If you’re not paying attention (and few of us are at this point), you slip into the role of the villain. You are now attacking the other person!
Can You Break Out Of Character?
When you get caught up in this drama, you ability to understand the real problem and to address what is at the heart of the conflict is limited. You are also trapped in an ongoing drama of confrontation that is hard to get out of. Perhaps this is why so many people describe conflict as a situation in which they feel stuck.
Once you become aware of these roles and how easily you take them on, you can then choose more positive approaches that do not include playing the part of a one-dimensional character.
When you choose not to play a character whose script is narrow and limited, you can allow yourself to become curious…and begin to appreciate and understand what the other person feels.
Next week, we will look at how curiosity can create solutions to even intractable conflicts.
