Disagreements Can Turn Into Conflict

Disagreement is healthy and even conflict has a creative side that can open people up to new ideas and ways of doing things. But what happens when things get so out of hand that people stop talking to each other, business as usual shuts down and it feels like nothing can change?

For example, I worked with a local non-profit in a crisis situation when two employees began gossiping about each other at work, tried to push other employees into taking sides and wouldn’t even look at each other at staff meetings. In situations like that, a manager needs to recognize that it’s time for intervention before people leave on bad terms, spread criticism of the business or organization to outsiders, and damage control becomes a big project and major headache.

Several people have consulted with me about concerns about aging parents who have not written a will or established a trust. Many times the siblings end up in long-drawn-out conflict that can end up in litigation. Fear, mistrust and insecurity take over, and family members lose sight of what the parents’ wishes were. The inability to look at things from points of view not their own creates most of the problems.

Talk Works

My philosophy in working with businesses, organizations and families living with internal conflict is that “talk works,” as long as it’s not talking at each other. In fact, talk works best when people are spending more time listening to each other than speaking. I’ve posted several blogs on the topic of listening. Here is one to read today.

In winding up this series on conflict and its resolution, here are three takeaways:

  • Seek the common ground. Identify as many areas as possible where you and your counterpart are in agreement or your interests are the same.
  • Commit to keeping an open mind and listening to new ideas. Without that commitment, you are likely to fall back into a ‘my way or the highway’ perspective.
  • Remember there are always options. You can choose to brainstorm potential solutions and find outcomes that meet some of everyone’s needs.

Don’t get hooked into just three possibilities: your way, the other person’s way, or bland compromise.

 

 

 

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