What is a Family Money Legacy?

Everyone has a family money legacy (FML). A legacy is something handed down from generation to generation, something to be remembered. Your very young self remembers the family money legacy.  FMLs are not usually accessible to your adult awareness, unless you do the work described here. Because your FML is imprinted in you very early, it has a powerful influence on your relationship with money.

Your FML is a mixed blessing. FMLs start with good intentions, yet these intentions often get coupled with fear. Marianne Williamson has written about how love and fear are the two main categories of thought. And thought produces action.

Fear is what keeps you living within the constraints and boundaries of your FML. Fear ties you to someone else’s story about what you can or can’t have or be.

What’s Your Story?

The FML comes to you in the form of a story. Every family story has a message that teaches you what is possible or impossible for you as a member of your family.

The emotional and energetic elements of your FML have helped you get to where you are now. But, truthfully, many times you ran into obstacles that thwarted your success in running a business, in accumulating wealth, and in spending money on yourself.

When you find and tell your FML story, you become aware of the underlying beliefs that define and limit your relationship with money. You see what beliefs have been helpful and what beliefs have been blocking your success.

Although here in this blog I am writing about money, you begin to recognize the same patterns in other parts of your life.

Where Did You Put That Legacy?

If you want to learn about your FML, start with your most familiar family money story. For example, as a child, my client Denise was told and obliged, by her mother, to be extra nice to an aunt who was wealthy. Denise sent birthday cards, holiday greetings, and several times was sent to visit her aunt who lived several states away. Denise didn’t especially care for her aunt who was cold and uninterested in children. To Denise, it seemed like she had to follow her mother’s orders about this relative. And in fact her aunt did send the family gifts and money that Denise’s mother relied on.

What is the core message in this story? One message is that Denise will not be able to support herself, and will need to rely on others to take care of her financially. The accompanying message is don’t offend anyone, because you may need to rely on them financially. (There are other messages in this story, about Denise’s relationship with her mother. Not today’s topic!)

How Does This Show Up?

Denise struggled with making her business a success. It was up and down and she had not been able to make enough money to support herself with her business. After working with her FML, Denise changed many of the behaviors that held her back from succeeding: she no longer undercharges for her services, gives away her time and energy, or worries that her husband would be hurt if she earned the money she feels she should.

Denise took practical steps to have a thriving business, clear her money clutter, and stop her drama with money. But the turning point was healing her FML which allowed her to clear the negative emotional and energetic messages about money that were holding her back from true success.

What To Do?

While you can’t create a new FML, you can heal the family money legacy you inherited so that you can have a better relationship with money.

A place to start is with forgiveness. For example “I forgive you Mom for the message that I can’t take care of myself. I know you taught me that out of love. I now release this message and any regret or anger I have in me towards you.”

ACTION STEP

How does your FML show up in your life?

Is there someone you would like to forgive?

 

“When you get rid of your fear of failure, your tensions about succeeding… you can be yourself. Relaxed. You’ll no longer be driving with your brakes on.” – Anthony de Mello

 

 

 

Like, Share, Love