Why Can’t You Say No When You Need To?
When I was growing up, I wasn’t allowed to argue with my parents or refuse to do what they told me. I certainly wasn’t allowed to say no. School was pretty much set up the same way – especially if you were from a “good” family, you had to be respectful, obedient (that is, compliant), and well-behaved. I kept thinking, well when I’m older I can do what I want, say what I think, and have a lot more freedom. It doesn’t always work that way. That early imprinting can be pretty sticky.
Why can one person say no very easily and without obsessing about repercussions, while another person hesitates and overstresses about hurting another person’s feelings or getting someone mad at them?
There are two simple reasons:
- First, your beliefs, thoughts and ensuing emotions that you learned as a child stop you from doing what you want and need. If you don’t learn to recognize these old beliefs and let go of them, you just keep going in the same old direction.
- The second reason it’s hard to say no is that you haven’t learned the how-tos, the mechanics, of saying no with grace and ease. This part is about being willing to change. Being willing to do things differently. It doesn’t have to be difficult to say no, set boundaries, and have limits on how much of your time, energy and resources you want to give to others.
It sounds simple. Yet I constantly hear from women who aren’t sure they can say no, either at work or at home. (And men too!). When you find yourself in situations where you need to say no, and you don’t, what typically happens is that you talk more than you need to or you shut down. It looks like this:
- You give long explanations about why you can’t do something when asked.
- You share too much personal information in the hopes that no one will disapprove once they understand your reasons.
- You get caught off guard and don’t know what to say.
Don’t misunderstand me and think that I want you to be completely self-serving, that I’m rejecting kindness and consideration of other people. Sometimes I say yes because I want to help out, or just be a good sport.
However…I know some of you really overdo it when it comes to taking care of others and not taking care of yourself. So if this is you, or ever has been you, keep reading…
I know that right now, you are doing the best you can. However, even with all your efforts, you may be:
- Feeling stuck because you don’t know how to speak up and be heard.
- Worried more about other people’s feelings than what’s important to you.
- Exhausted from having the same conversation over and over.
Saying No Is Simple
What do you need to do? Simply, learn how to say no with grace and ease.
Saying no might even be a little scary for you, so consider the rewards for standing up for yourself:
- You will have more time so you can pay attention to growing your business, enjoying your friends and family, and looking after your health and happiness.
- You will have more money so you can invest in your work and your professional development, share a comfortable lifestyle with those you love, and support the causes you value.
- You will have more energy so you can…well…you can rock the world!
Here’s an invitation I want you to say YES to: If you haven’t downloaded the free guide 5 Easy To Use Strategies To Say No, So You Can Have More Time, Money and Peace of Mind To Do What You Love from my website, now’s the time.
Go to the link, get the free guide, read it, use it and share it. Just click here.
