The simple, short home retreats in this blog series are reminders about the benefits of a time-out from the pressures, worries, and “shoulds” of your daily life. You are not an “energizer bunny,” Your body, mind, and spirit need the chance to rest and rejuvenate.
But we’re so busy, we automatically put self-care on hold. It’s just what we do. We’re helpers and nurturers, so it’s natural to take care of or even pamper others. Why don’t we use those skills to take better care of ourselves? We neglect ourselves because we forget: we need reminders, suggestions, and support to take good care of ourselves.
We have familiar excuses. We tell ourselves, “I’ll rest after I…finish editing this blog, wash the dishes, call my sister…” Then we forget, and our retreat time is lost.
Self-care is too important to be done only when convenient. We have parts of ourselves that crave our kindness and attention. One of those selves is often neglected: our inner child.
Many psychologists have written about the inner child. The phrase often refers to that part of ourselves that was abandoned or hurt by our parents or other adults that raised us. We often hear the phrase “healing the inner child.” Inner child work is an important therapeutic process.
Today, however, I offer a simpler way to connect with your inner child’s joy, innocence, and curiosity. Remember being a child? Whatever you did, you were fully present in the moment. You were absorbed in whatever you were doing: riding your bicycle, drawing, digging holes, or playing with clay. Whatever amount of time you spent there, that activity was your world. Your inner child shows you how:
- To concentrate fully on what is in front of you,
- To act spontaneously—free from pressure to do, be, or act in any prescribed way,
- And without fixating on a product, outcome, or result.
A Play Date With Your Inner Child
The inner child is relational: she wants a relationship with you. And secondly, she wants a relationship with other children. I know my inner child very well, and she likes to play with others. But first of all, it’s important for you to be in a good relationship with her before you invite someone to join in on the fun.
When I recently took my inner child on a retreat, I invited a friend. Here’s what I didn’t do: I didn’t plan it as a project, nor did I have a lengthy discussion about details with my friend. What I did: I called
my friend and said, let’s get ice cream and eat it in the park.
We bought ice cream cones (at the drive-through at Baskin-Robbins) and drove to the park with my dog. We sat on the grass, ate ice cream, watched the hummingbirds, and enjoyed the children playing in the park. We were in the moment the way kids are naturally.
Pick Something Fun
What does your inner child like to do? Think about what brought you joy as a child. What can you recall from when you were a toddler, preschool, preteen, or adolescent? Our inner child takes on different ages, and you’ll know at which age your inner child wishes to show up.
What does your inner child want to do today? Does she want to:
- Color
- Play with clay, or Play-Doh (you can still buy it!)
- Finger paint
- Sing
- Eat ice cream
- Go to the playground and swing on the swings or whoosh down the slide
- Hula hoop
- Play hopscotch. Jean, my neighbor, came over, and she was so excited. As she was walking to my house, she saw a hopscotch diagram on the sidewalk. We both remembered having so much fun playing hopscotch with our friends. The next day, Jean bought chalk, came home and drew a hopscotch diagram on the sidewalk in front of her house. An immediately available inner child play date!
Some Additional Thoughts
You have one “job” in this mini-retreat, and that job is to allow your inner child the freedom to pick what she wants. You can be the facilitator, but you’re not in charge. You can gather up the supplies—the crayons or pencils, the chalk, the hula hoop—and provide a space in which she can play—a cleared-off kitchen table, a backyard, a park—and leave your rules, focus on outcomes, and concern about time at the door.
For example, a special fun outing for my inner child is visiting the Bio Park and seeing the youngest animals, the animal children. This year, we saw the baby giraffes and penguins. Grown-up Marsha heard the good news that both baby giraffes and penguins recently arrived in Albuquerque and were ready to meet the public. My inner child was super excited! Mainly to see the baby giraffes with their mothers. This mini-retreat took some advance planning, which grown-up Marsha was happy to arrange. My inner child invited a friend to join her (while my inner child loves having friends, yours may not feel that way. She may love being alone – please honor that) and bring her inner child. We saw the baby giraffes and penguins, as well as many other animals. Before we left the park, we shared some gooey cheesy French fries. Only invite a friend who is willing to let her inner child be fully present while her inner parent patiently waits in the car.
Why should you leave your adult self in the car? Because she is the map-reader and planner, essential skills incompatible with the respite this retreat provides (but sometimes crucial in making arrangements). Our adult self has impressive capabilities. She is the one who evaluates, prioritizes, purchases tickets, but also worries and regrets. Let’s put that all aside for your play date with your inner child. You’ll be fine for a couple of hours, just enjoying what shows up.
We’re parents, daughters, friends, business owners, entrepreneurs, managers, and volunteers. Most likely, there is no place where you allow yourself to sit back and relax. At the same time, one area of life where I see women neglecting the “to-do” list is self-care. I hope these mini-retreats—many of which take only a few minutes and are easy to do anywhere—show you the value of nurturing your body, mind, and spirit—even if all you have is 5 minutes a day.
Today, I’m not asking for reflections or analyses, just for you to be willing to go on a play date with your inner child sometime next week.
As always, I enjoy your comments and thoughts. You can email me directly, or share your ideas, comments, and suggestions in the Comments section below, or post on my Facebook page.
