Are You Willing to Change?
Win/Win: that’s not a mindset most of you have adopted. No judgment about it: our culture values winners. We Americans also like a good fight. Check out what I wrote last week if you’d like to know more (Why Win/Lose? Why Not Win/Win?)
In order to cultivate your win/win mindset when it comes to negotiation, difficult conversations or stubborn conflicts, you need to be willing to:
- Focus on what other people really need;
- Prioritize keeping your relationships healthy;
- Consider alternate ways to make things work – not to cling to the solution you’ve come up with.
Are you willing to change the way you do things now? It can feel daunting if you’re used to arguing quarreling, fighting, disagreeing, squabbling or bickering with no fair or positive results. It’s frustrating to have the same conversation over and over and getting no good result. These kinds of conflicts take on their own momentum and you can’t break out. Albert Einstein was able to see alternative explanations, view the world in a new way, and not be limited by status quo thinking, and became a fairly successful scientist and thinker. He is credited (the actual source of this quote is under debate) with this definition of insanity:
Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
Stop the Insanity!
A Win/Win negotiation or conversation requires:
- Honest talking and committing the time to do it;
- The ability to put yourself in the other person’s shoes and stay there for a while;
- Willingness to look at things in ways that are “outside-the-box.”
To be even mildly successful at generating Win/Win outcomes, you need to be:
- Committed to your relationships;
- Willing to be vulnerable by talking about what you want and need and what you can do and can’t do;
- Able to take the time to make sure everyone leaves with no regrets.
ACTION STEP
The items marked by the bullets above are a handy checklist for win/win conversations. Which of these actions will you commit to doing next time you are stuck in a familiar conflict, the kind that is going nowhere, and you wish you had a way to do things differently?
As always, I love to hear about your successes with the tips in this column.
