What’s Your Preferred Style of Managing Conflict?
When someone is disagreeing with you, and the tone of the disagreement gets hot, what is your gut reaction?
- Do you feel a sense of thrill at the prospect of a good debate?
- Do you want to pretend it isn’t happening?
- Or do you try to find agreement around opposing positions?
Our initial reaction to conflict is a kind of built in response, one that we learned many years ago. How helpful is it now? Does this built in response to conflict help provoke it or calm it down?
The more aware you are of your natural, instinctive reaction to conflict, the easier it will be for you to bring helpful perspectives as well as slow down or eliminate destructive conflict – whether at work, in your business, or at home.
5 Conflict Types
There are five key types for dealing with or managing conflict. Each type has its strengths and its challenges. I would like to share my model for understanding each type.* Here we go…
The Lion loves competition. She is a strong and courageous leader who follows her own guidance. She believes in accumulating power, money and respect so she can protect and preserve what she loves – her family, her business, her pack. The Lion who cannot listen to other people’s input and acts like a bully adds fuel to conflict.
- Strength: Goal-oriented and quick
- Challenge: Without self-awareness can become a bully
The Tortoise avoids conflict. He won’t engage in the gossip, worry or turmoil that builds up in groups. His detachment can keep the peace – by sidestepping conflict. On the other hand, his detachment provokes conflict when others want to work toward consensus and he won’t be part of the conversation.
- Strength: Does not contribute to conflict, generally
- Challenge: Postpones dealing with problems that need attention
The Chameleon takes care of others by providing what’s wanted and needed. She often disregards her own needs in favor of helping others, which can result in resentment. A wise Chameleon can serve others while getting her own needs met, as long as she is not overly concerned with pleasing others.
- Strength: Preserves relationships
- Challenge: Personal needs are not addressed
The Chimp is concerned with both keeping the peace and getting the best solution through compromise. He values fairness and rational thinking, as well as quick decisions. Sometimes the rush to get a good compromise doesn’t leave enough time for everyone to speak up or for new ideas to emerge.
- Strength: Helpful when you want the easiest solutions
- Challenge: Quick compromise doesn’t build trust or relationships
The Dolphin believes in building relationships through joint problem solving and collaboration. She believes people can always work through their differences. The Dolphin can insist that people keep talking and figuring things out, sometimes beyond their ability or energy or even time, leading to bad moods and disengagement.
- Strength: Creates mutual trust and commitment to goals
- Challenge: Collaboration consumes energy and time and is not useful for trivial problems.
Each Conflict Type Is Helpful
Each of you has a natural conflict type. The techniques you use are based on many conditions such as your temperament, personality, environment, and family history. None of these types is necessarily better than the others. Each conflict type can be helpful depending on the context in which they are ultimately used.
By building on your strengths you’ll be more successful in negotiation and managing conflict – bringing better results such as more income and peace of mind as well as saving time when going after what you need and want. If you’d like to discover your natural conflict type, get in touch with me at: marsha@womennegotiate.com
* WHAT’S YOUR TYPE? THE CONNECTION/COMPETITION CONTINUUM SERIES Copyright © 2014 by Marsha Lichtenstein
