When I was a child, my parents, brother and I would gather in the living room on December 31. We would write down our resolutions for the coming year. As I think back on these moments, my brother and I dutifully, even happily, wrote down the ways we would better behave in the next year. I don’t recall my parents writing resolutions, at least not sharing them with us.

But here we were with our lists:

1. I will get better grades in the coming year.
2. I will come home directly after school.
3. I will do my chores without complaining.

I don’t recall being encouraged to write my aspirations, hopes, or dreams on any list. Just the ways I could be more pleasing to my parents.

This kind of early childhood socialization actually works! The training gets into our bones. It continues to shape our thoughts and behaviors. Until we recognize that we are doing certain things out of habit or family loyalty, and not because we value it for ourselves, we will not change.

(This is the ideal training for life in patriarchy, whether it’s a patriarchal family or culture. Make the subjects internalize the rules you want them to follow, so you don’t have to spend time reviewing and reinforcing these rules. Don’t forget to imply that there will be negative consequences if you fail to comply: loss of allowances, loss of privileges of different kinds, etc. If you can reduce the amount of effort needed to ensure cooperation, you have subjects that won’t argue with you, disagree with your restrictions, or rebel.)

When I was older, I added my aspirations to my list of resolutions, especially things that would make me a better person in the eyes of my family, friends, and co-workers:

1. I will attend more cultural events (in the hopes of being more sophisticated.)
2. I will have friends to dinner once a month (in the hopes of being liked.)
3. I will get contact lenses this year (in the hopes of being more attractive.

Eventually, I abandoned this annual ritual because it stopped being meaningful to me. So for a few years, the last day of the year was not a time for taking stock of who I wanted to be in the coming year. In part, I stopped writing resolutions when I understood that it focused on my defects, facets of me that could be scooped up on December 31 and then lined up for repair, renovation, or removal.

All the same, I like lists and I like rituals. So, instead, I have a different list, not of resolutions, but of things that will make my life easier. My new approach is much more fun. It focuses on how my life can support me, not what is wrong with me. My list does not focus on fixing myself, because I’m just fine exactly as I am. But, there are things in my environment that need some tweaking so my life can be more peaceful, simpler, and enjoyable.

In fact, I don’t wait until the New Year to write this list. I started one a few months ago., although I did add to it in the last week. There is no good reason to wait to make your life easier, better, or more manageable.

Some items from earlier lists that now make my life easier are:

• Putting all of my activities that support my health, wealth, and well-being into my Google calendar instead of assuming I’ll simply remember to do them. Things I’m sure I’ll remember but consistently overlook, like going to the gym, go on the calendar now.
• Identifying what time of day I have the most focus and creativity and scheduling my writing for that time of day (and, of course, putting that into my calendar!)
• Color coordinating my wardrobe so no matter what I decide to wear, I can find suitable, complementary wearables and accessories in a minute.

Instead of ways to improve myself, I focus on my environment: that way, the things that eat up my time, distract me, or make it more challenging to get things done are handled. Here are some items from my current list. I included why they’re important to me, so you can see that I am thinking about how to make my life easier and more manageable.

• Review my design for simple landscaping in the backyard and call Mike to set dates to get started. I want to stop Lukas my dog from digging holes in the garden, and my design will give him a lot of room to play without digging. This means I don’t have to keep going outside and checking on him. A big time saver.
• Block out free time in my calendar to avoid scheduling doctor’s appointments, coffee dates, etc. during my time with myself. Protects my boundaries.
• Find a trustworthy and conscientious dog sitter. I need to travel for work and fun and have peace of mind that my dog is in good hands.

While we always want to be our best selves, we don’t need a list to tell us where we are lacking. The best list is one that makes our lives easier. Even if you handle one item a month, your environment is going to get cleaned up quickly enough for you to feel a difference.

What to do now

1. Think about what would make your life easier.
2. Make those items into an actionable list.
3. Scroll down to the Comments section. Share your thoughts about replacing your New Year’s Resolution list with my What Will Make My Life Easier list.